Agoraphobia. Part 1

Crazy or A Truer Kind of Sanity.

I think the constant enemy of the Autistic parent raising Autistic children is the knowledge; deep within your soul, that you would all be happier alone (together) locked up in your house.

Home is lovely; strong & solid.  Calming shades of blue, marine & purple; tones that reduce glare, as does having every curtain & blind in the house drawn 24/7.  Home is filled with pillows, blankies & pets, soft toys, computers and lovely, lovely TV.  The only strangers that can see us are using secret hidden spy cameras & wouldn’t dare go public, so I win!

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The Master Bedroom & Master Cat – Smokie

Why would anyone in their right mind leave their home?  Your own home is usually where you have the greatest control; the place that is most likely exactly how you want it to be.  The outside world generally doesn’t afford the individual any control over décor or comfort level.

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The kids aren’t that motivated to go out; do things, make friends.  When they are young; and stupid, sure they are easy to convince that doing things and meeting people are fun.  But if they don’t go; they don’t miss it!

I can seriously imagine myself having convinced my children (at a younger age) that the TV shows showing people leaving their house & meeting people only happens in other countries.  I mean they are kids; how are they going to know the difference?  Myah ha ha the power, the intoxicating power!

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So in our case there are six of us.  Do I (the mother) want to go out there into the real world?  Pain, sunlight, movement, lack of control, conversations, people who probably hate me or should, or think that I am an annoying, whiney drag (because I am).  Does my husband want to venture out of our sanctuary?  No way; he only ever leaves the house when I make him.  He hates the world & thinks both God and the entire world are out to get him and the kids.  Is this a form of reverse megalomania?  He doesn’t seem to think he is unique in having gained their enmity, he seems to think it’s a joke that they are playing.eery-1648250_1920     My two eldest (both in their early 20’s), they must want to go out and meet new people?  The eldest thinks every attempt to pry her out her bedroom is a plot to destroy her.

“No way!  Why do you keep forcing us to go to stupid places and meet scary people?  I hate you!” she may as well make a recording; she is almost always word perfect.

She refers to her support workers as lunatics, psychologists as psychos, Occupational Therapists are Operating Thetans and support coordinators are inter dimensional aliens.  She also refers to her sisters as morons or idiots, autistic people as weirdos and normal people as scary.  Although sometimes she says one of these horrible things and when remonstrated with looks confused and explains that she meant to think not say whatever she has just said.  I don’t know whether to believe her or not; common sense suggests this is unlikely, time spent with her makes the possibility all too real.

WWL
Better Days

Part 2

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