Valentine Needed; Desperately!

For our family Valentine’s Day started yesterday when Charlie sent two red chiffon bags of dog chocs & yogurt drops to his favourite person F. (my support worker)’s Cavalier spaniel damsels.  When shown photos he adores Indie; the younger one.

And is not that interested in Poppy the grumpy one.

Not the actual photos of F.’s girls; I am desperately trying to hide my stalker client tendencies, so giving the gift was weird enough asking for photos would have crossed the line.  It would have crossed the line, wouldn’t it?  Charlie & I would love photos!  But not of the new puppy; Charlie’s not weird.  I would like a picture of the puppy, no I am not weird Charlie & I look at the photos for  different….  Oh shut up, you are making me sound like a complete lunatic, & that’s my family’s job.

Charlie may have changed his mind and tried to get back the treats but I’m taking his not doing a suicide dive off the back of the couch to grab them out of her handbag as a sign of romantic generosity.

Now that my kids have definitely been thrown off the scent and have switched off to play some horrible blowing things up game; I can get back to my point.

I need one or preferably two desperate but nice young men to come and romance my oldest two nitwits before I strangle them.  No naughtiness until after marriage mind you!

Why am I desperate you might ask?  Cat is a pain in the neck and perhaps if she had a boyfriend she might have less time to ruin everyone else’s love life; mainly mine.

She’s blond, 24 in a couple of weeks, artistic, creative and smart.  She is really polite to people she is not related to and knows a lot about anime, sci fi & computer games.

I was walking down the hall and she asked me what was for dinner and I told her pizza.  She asked why and I told her it was for Valentine’s Day.  She followed me down so she could make sickening comments about how much we “wuv” each other.  No amount of scowling, shouting or swearing would make her desist until she had driven her father out of the house.  Well, yes, he had to get the pizza, but, well she wasted a lot of time.

Gav & I haven’t swapped Valentine’s gifts for a number of years; mainly because the kids horn in, complain, or whine.  But this year I saw a gorgeous Chocolate Puppy…

No, not this one, I’m banned.

My nickname for the hubby is ‘puppy’ so a dog made of chocolate was too much to resist.  Besides he is so going to out do me on our 25th anniversary next month, so he’s owed.  So after dinner, no kids around and it’s time for “Happy Valentine darling!” I handed over the box and was given a lovely, chaste kiss.  Smelling the chocolate from miles away the big blonde boof-head had to come down and obliterate the moment with calls of “gross”, sickening faux sweetness and snide remarks.  Her sisters were drawn close but they just eyed off the chocolate & were a generally irritating presence.

Yes they got some of his chocolate.  I did get a gift, but he’s sneakier than me.

So please, please bring this young woman some affection & get her the hell away from me for 5 minutes.  Maybe if she had a taste of love she might stop drowning her poor parents in her bitterness.

The two youngest have boyfriends and took gifts to school. Tash is 13 and got majorly spoiled.  Tab at 16 got the best present of all; he forgot (2 years dating and the romance is gone?) giving her the gift of something to hold over him for ages.  Hint, hint, a great anniversary gift!

Alex is also single; she hasn’t annoyed me that much but she doesn’t mind me looking for a boyfriend for her so here she is.  Her interests include writing, science, science fiction, computers, sport and bugs.  She’d be the perfect Aussie bloke if she’d drink beer.  And when awake she is really nice to everyone who isn’t her sister.

Can’t stay for long, the kids are in their rooms, we have Valentine’s day to celebrate.  Except that stress triggered health problems have put paid to too much physical contact for the next few days; so at least we’ve both been sc#%*#d.

Happy Valentine’s Day!  (swears under her breath).