Remember the fun exercise from Lisa at KSP. If not it’s here; KSP Presents Petal Pilots. We were practicing slashing word count. Alex published hers on Deviant Art but Tabitha is letting me publish her attempts.
So on with ‘Petals or Pilots! The Tablet edition.
I watched the petals of the cherry tree blossoms float away from the tree to fall delicately down on the pavement in a small, graceful dance that made me stare in awe. I danced around the trees feeling blossoms rain lightly into my long ebony hair. I giggled with joy at the splendour and beauty all around me; it felt like I was in another world.
“Playing in the flowers again Hana?” the cutting voice sliced through my daydream. I turned around to find Derek looking at me with his stupid, smug smirk. His brown eyes gleamed with humor.
“Why don’t you just go away, Derek, and leave me in peace?”
“I just came to look at the cherry blossoms. What’s wrong with that?” I felt my face go red in anger, his smooth answer angered but I did not want to give him the satisfaction of seeing me lose it.
“Well there are some very nice cherry blossom trees over there. Why not go and look at them?”
“But I prefer the flowers here. They’re pretty beautiful though they are delicate, and a bit of a daydreamer.”
I was sure I looked like a bright tomato by now so I ran off, but some day I would find a way to wipe that stupid grin off his stupid face. His smirk softened and he looked sweetly at me. I glowed red and ran past him. My heart was beating fast and tears flowed down my cheek. I looked at the blossoms and after seeing his smile they looked even more precious.
Then Tabby slashed her beautiful story I think she went a bit far. What do you think?
I watched the petals of the cherry tree blossoms float to the pavement. I danced around the trees feeling blossoms rain lightly into my long ebony hair. I giggled joyfully at the splendour of it all; it felt like I was in another world.
“Playing in the flowers again Hana?” the voice sliced through my daydream. I turned around to find Derek looking at me with his smug grin.
“Why don’t you just go away, Derek?”
“I just came to look at the cherry blossoms. What’s wrong with that?”
“Well there are some very nice cherry blossom trees over there. Why not go and look at them?”
“But I prefer the flowers here. They’re beautiful and delicate.”
His smirk softened as he looked sweetly at me. I blushed and ran past him. My heart was beating fast and tears flowed down my cheek. I looked at the blossoms and after seeing his smile they looked even more precious.
Mum let Tabby sit and read her book, she didn’t force her to speak to humans at the break. Whose Grandma’s favourite? Actually I don’t know, anyone but me, pretty much.
When we restarted Lisa accidentally said ‘Petals and Pirates’ a couple of times and Tabby said “Owww I wish I’d heard you properly I would have loved to write about pirates’ When we explained to Lisa, she let Tab write her 25 word piece on Pirates by special dispensation. Favouritism and they’ve only met a few times!
The ship was a fiery blaze, crew all dead and treasure looted. The pirates left with their booty; celebrating with alcohol and dancing!
Let me know if you too prefer the Terrible Tablet to Poor Lonely Lisa.
autistsix 
“I watched the petals of the cherry tree blossoms float away from the tree to fall delicately down on the pavement in a small, graceful dance that made me stare in awe. I danced around the trees feeling blossoms rain lightly into my long ebony hair. I giggled with joy at the splendour and beauty all around me; it felt like I was in another world.”
you know, this is one thing i simply cant do. compliments to tab! (i wouldnt say that her hair is “ebony” however. at least in the states, it has connotations that while perfectly acceptable, are not accurate; tabs about as far from “ebony” as a girl can be, and her hair is “raven.”) the words are beautiful, and i am pedantic. i could even be wrong; its happened at least once or twice.
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Unbelievable, her first description was raven. Although I believe it was first person narrative not personal experience, or there is a lot she’s not telling me.
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ah, the mysteries of year 11s. actually you make a very good point, i missed that it was narrative and presumed first person (personal) fiction– i seem to always assume people are talking about themselves in some way, or someone they knew.
“The story, all names, characters, and incidents portrayed in this production are fictitious. No identification with actual persons (living or deceased), places, buildings, and products is intended or should be inferred.” <- pull the other one!
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When teenage girls include romance in a narrative it is almost always fiction, have you met adolescent males.
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That’s such gorgeous writing. I love the first longer description, but think I am usually too wordy and could stand to try out the editing down myself! Looks a great challenge and her writing is lovely.
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Thank you so much. Tabby really needs some building up right now!
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