But I Don’t Want To Teach Phys Ed.

‘Those that can; do.

Those that can’t; teach!

Those that can’t teach, teach Phys Ed.’

One of my favourite sayings, but therein lies the problem.  I like this because it picks on PE teachers; I loathe approximately half the PE teachers I’ve met.  I have met some seriously great ones too, but I digress.

I digress like a champion.  Digression is my forte and one of my favourite forms of communication.

Wait that might be part of the problem!

What problem?  Well if you would stop encouraging me to digress all the time I could actually get to the bit where I tell you what the problem is!

Mind you I don’t promise anything!

Any who; I don’t like some PE teachers, but I absolutely can not stand Physical Education.  It requires physical activity.  I am an unfit, unhealthy, achy, tired lump of fat old lady, I can’t be active.  The most physical thing I can do is threatening to roll on people, I can’t even roll on people because threatening takes a lot of breathing and mouth movement and frankly, leaves me needing a nap.

Ah a nap!  I could be napping right now!

No, no, concentrate, you are writing a blog!  It is important!  Nap during the kids’ dinner time or something.

Okay, so why my sudden regret at my lack of Phys. Ed. skills?

 

Because,  (Oh this bit makes me cry) because…

I CAN”T TEACH!!!!!

That’s right, I am a failure at teaching in its most dilute form; facilitating.

People have stopped coming to the Friday session I took over and now they won’t come to Tuesday’s Circle if they know I am going to be in charge.  This has happened too many times now!  It’s real!  I must face it!  I can’t teach!

But I am not going to teach Phys. Ed.  I am going to handle this in a mature and responsible way.

I am going to become morose and vindictive!

Details now, not details on my revenge.  I haven’t plotted that!  I am sleepy and its hard to plot revenge while simultaneously typing about something else when you are sleepy.  I am sorry I am not superman.  Superman could probably teach!

What on Earth are you raving about now?  I hear you ask.  At least I think its you.  It could be the voices in my head pretending to be you, so I will listen to them.  Oh, I don’t usually listen to the voices in my head, we had a disagreement, okay a fight, it even turned violent, so I am no longer speaking to them.  Until they apologise!

Oh, the point of the raving, well:  I was asked to cover this week’s Tuesday Writer’s Circle because Lisa couldn’t make it.  Off to tyrannize some villagers probably.  And out of the kindness of my heart I agree.  I may not have been early due to circumstances beyond my control; including forgetting.

Only one person turned up.  Only one!  And she arrived in our car.

Plus even though I was informed that she didn’t pay because of a shortage of change, there was a complaint lodged with KSP’s director.  Apparently Alex found the facilitating was of an unacceptable standard, and would not be paying.  At least that’s what her mother said.

I hate Alex’s mother sometimes, she is so pushy, petty and demanding.  And she smells odd!  So now I have a complaint lodged against me.  And I’m going to have to go to trial twice.  You know once as complainant next as defendant.

I assigned the project ‘Write mean poems about those traitors that aren’t here’.  A solid old favourite used through the ages to help improve writing skill.

Then my mother got all dictatorial and horrible and was disruptive.

Oh and most importantly of all I saw a small raptor with brown wings and a beige chest/tummy.  It was the coolest.

Ha Ha, none of you traitors got to see the hawk or the magpie learning how to fly.  Sucked in!  Ha ha ha!

Just a note here; all the photos of us were taken by Cat, who is far too young to hold a camera steady and should; mea culpa, never have been given the responsibility.  24 years old is too young to control a big, complex camera.  Thanks to Story Blocks formerly Graphic Stock for the real pictures.

PS.  Mean poems can not be displayed here as they contain names, and the names rhyme with things and stuff like that.  Again my brilliance, and the lesser but still luminary brilliance of my best student Alex, will be kept hidden.

PPS.  I was scared of offending PE teachers, but Gavin reassured me, ‘How many of them can use computers!’