Things I Need My Readers To Know About Me.

Okay it’s admission time!

1. I am an idiot and don’t really understand how any of this stuff works. An example follows:

I have been following a fantastic site David Snape & Friends.  This was definitely not the mistake.  Here’s the stupid bit (I am so sorry David) I have been liking his radio programs/interviews because I really liked the ideas & that was what I thought I was being asked to ‘like’, I liked them so much so that I was really sad because I thought I couldn’t listen to them because of time differences and other techie stuff.  I even decided to try and work out how to hear them & missing a night’s sleep.  Then I accidentally pushed the arrow, I took a bit to realise I was listening to David Snape not something the kids had just switched on.  Now I really, really like them but I feel too much of an idiot to comment or anything because I’d have to admit what I’d done.

2. I don’t really understand all this social media stuff. I don’t do facebook or twitter etcetera because they are really scary.  Gavin used Facebook for a while, got frightened, stopped, but now he’s started again but I don’t think he’s connected to too many people so it’s kind of safish.  It’s great he keeps an eye on the school’s P&F for me; I’m secretary so I need to follow them or get left out.  I don’t use Pinterest because it’s all cluttered & too much at a time, it makes my head ache, scary, scary!

I don’t always understand new words or abbreviations because I am 45.  Actually I have never been in sync with the rest of the world, I was weird and out of touch for the nerd I aspired to be (I had the brain to be a nerd but not the social skills).  So I don’t always understand your comments or your posts.

By the way I have only just worked out how to do J so no matter how much I want to I can’t use all those gorgeous symbols I see in everyone else’s stuff.  My kitten Orion computes so much better than me but he is such a harsh critic that he is keeps deleting all my work.

3. I answer questions & comment as if I am an expert. If I sound snotty or arrogant I am but not all the time.  I have actually read and seen a lot so my advice might work but there are no guarantees.  I fact I feel obliged to disclose that my eldest and youngest daughters will not follow my advice even if it seems reasonable simply because I am stupid.  The middle two might follow my advice if there is absolutely no other options.

You know how people say the problem with women discussing their problems with men is that men are problem solvers, while other women just listen and only offer help when asked.  In social/emotional areas I identify myself as male (my reading suggests autism pushes girls that way).  I’m a hetero woman (no judgement, just info for my fellow nosy parkers), I just don’t get all the girlie stuff.

4. In the photo on my website autistsix I am the fat old lady. Don’t sympathize I am very happy with the way I look, mainly because I don’t look at me.  The husband’s blinded by love or lies well, & the kids think the grey air makes me look wolfish, cool!

The two older girls are single by the way; hint hint!  And very autistic in other words they are brilliant with sparkly personalities.  I am absolutely forbidden to write this, but none of my kids read my blog, so don’t tell them on pain of my death.

5. I am 45 and have been married for 24 years, plus I have 4 daughters over 12, so I am not going to talk about shhhh s – e – x. Mainly of course because I struggle to remember anything about it.  I don’t mind reading about it with all the vicarious thrill of a young virgin.  But no I’m too old for that sort of thing.  Take note Gavin.  Okay maybe not but I’m too old to talk about it.  And besides one of the girls might miracle of miracles read her Mum’s blog.  The fuss and horrified noises they make if they see us so much as peck kiss, they are almost as bad as the dog although they don’t actually insert themselves between us & push us apart like him, well not regularly, well if you don’t include the youngest.

6. I don’t like swearing. I don’t want to not like swearing.  I swear in my writing if I feel my character would do so.

I blame my strict upbringing for my aversion to expletives.  Unfortunately I don’t know who is responsible for that strictness, my mother is a hippie compared to me.  My parents swore & once I became a teenager I was never reprimanded for swearing, repeatedly laughed at for being such a big prude; yes many times (thanks Mum), but reprimanded; never.

So sometimes if a piece of work is too casually swearie or scatological I find it hard to read or watch.  This is my hang up and no reflection on anyone else.

7. If I say something weird especially in a comment, and you feel like it, ask me what I meant. I am aware and proud of my weirdness.  There is a chance, a slim chance mind you, that I might be able to decipher or guess what I might have meant, on a good day.

‘Forgive me my trespasses, As I forgive those who trespass against me’.  Please forgive me for butchering this Psalm, I do it with love.

Yours truly Lisa, your friendly neighbourhood lunatic.