Charlie’s Adventures at KSP Part 2 – There’s A Park.

 

Intoduction

Hello, I am at KSP again!  I love this place!  I could be having a lovely walk but Mummy says I have to write a novel or at least a short story collection.  A-cos KSP is a writers’ centre.  I tried to tell her that was just silly.  KSP is clearly a park; see outside the windows park stuff.  But she offered to type, so write I must.

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As a writing prompt she asked me what I wanted to write about.  Obviously I told her that there was a park, right outside the windows, that was all I could think about.

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She asked me to describe what it was I liked about the garden.  Silly Mummy calls that great big glorious park a garden, but lets not argue, she’s holding my leash.  Now this may seem easy but I know this is a trap. Though Mummy is betterer than most, she is still a female.  And as all us blokes know, most everything they say is a trap.  I also know it’s a trap because of hay fever.

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My mummy is at war with lotsa flowers.  She can’t garden properly so they hates her and are trying to kill her with the terrible poison called pollen.  But before she dies she gets all headachy and tired and sneezy and (don’t tell her I told you) really, really grumpy.  Even at me; her beloved spaniel.

Beautiful yellow goldenrod flowers blooming
Beautiful yellow goldenrod flowers blooming. Beautiful flowers of autumn.

So I can’t mention all the delicious looking flowers in pretty colours beckoning me to come and sample them, because we don’t love flowers, they are the enemy.  So I am not going to mention how pretty and sweet they look and how I want to eat them and roll in them and be their best friend.  Cos Mummy’s at war and that tends to make her shouty, or cry, which is worse.

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Mummy is light sensitive and hates heat.  So ‘what a sunshiney fine day it is out there’ would not be a wise thing to say, if fact I’ve seen Daddy trying to stop people saying it before they got killed.  I can’t talk about the bright light and colours, or even the warmth on my back after all these months of cold.  Mummy says I don’’t know what cold is.  Is it rational to mope around the house saying, ‘If there is a God bring on the next Ice Age!’?

heart on the snow

 

There are bugs, Mummy.  Bugs, you like bugs.  No, not flies, we both hate flies.  Not mosquitoes, I know that, that rampaging around the house screaming ‘I am going to kill all the mosquitoes’ feels like only yesterday.  Yes, yes it was last night, what do you mean?  Oh, normal humans don’t say something feels like it was yesterday when it was yesterday.  Well that’s just another example of how human communication is wrong, now isn’t it.  Why would long ago feel like yesterday?  Are humans really that absent minded?  That’s really sad, and another thing to put on my Why I Want To Continue To Be A Spaniel list.

Where was I?  To the human that said KSP but probably not in the park part; correct.  To those of you that tried to remind me what I had been writing earlier; I think you can see where you went wrong.

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Bugs, Mummy you love bugs, butterflies, bees, beetles and braying bantises.  Sorry I was on a roll and I refuse to be dictated to by mere spelling.  Fine for you pedantic Spelling Bee enthusiasts, praying mantises.  Oh yeah spiders, I forgot about spiders.  Come on Mummy, I can see butterflies from here, and a ladybug; I’ll let you eat it.  Not even tasty ladybug, but I’ve heard you say you love them.  What?  I’m not allowed to eat bugs either!

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I am very sorry this story must come to such an abrupt end.  But when the master story teller is refusing to speak to the typist, well, things get difficult.

So in the last few words that woman will hear from me in AGES!  But this is not for you, it is only for nice reading-me people:

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Battle of the Photo Divas

Good morning and all the best,

Charles, King and Cavalier, Spaniel.

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P.S. How do you proof read when you are too short to see the computer but still don’t want to speak to the typist, because she is being completely unreasonable about insect consumption?

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9 thoughts on “Charlie’s Adventures at KSP Part 2 – There’s A Park.

  1. dear charlie, your options are a perch to make you taller to reach the screen, or a second screen for mummy to place on the floor, or an lcd projector to display the screen on the wall. ive considered other ways around this, i can assure you they are more trouble than what ive mentioned.

    did you help pen the story a year or two ago about alex smelling the flowers? they were after her as well, now theyre after mummy. and here is a note to never buy mummy flowers, as she prefers chocolates. has mummy tried buying local honey?

    eating locally made honey can help a person get more immune to the flowers, a bit like westley building an immunity to iocaine powder in the princess bride. if pollen makes mummy grumpy, then honey could make her sweeter! unless shes allergic to honey, then youve got me stumped there.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you very much for your lovely suggestions. I am nagging Mummy for the second screen from now on. As for honey, that’s a great idea, I just have to stop Mummy being lazy and apathetic and commit to eating sensible things. Of course quoting the Prncess Bride is a great way to make Mummy do stuff.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Charlie – I think she’s being totally unreasonable not letting you eat the flowers. If she hates them, she should want you to get rid of them. Although you’d probably have to take a bath to get rid of the pollen she’s allergic to.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I love baths, well showers. I jump into the shower and sit on Mum’s lap on the shower chair. We cuddle with some rubbing shampoo that smells like food. Sometimes she accidentally puts my face under the spray which is a little scary but then I get extra cuddles for bravery. Then I hop down and when I’m ready Daddy gives me towel cuddles. Then the whole family admires me.
      You have completely proved I need to eat the nasty flowers. I will make Mummy read this until she understands.

      Liked by 2 people

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