People I Know May Be Reading My Blog

I know, creepy, huh?

Well there is the saint!  (my husband) He makes me read it to him.  Honestly that man is such a bad spy!  I suppose he has to have a fault.  And now he is getting a big head.  All my years of inspiring a fear & dread in him are dissipating.  He’s giving me cheek!  So readers; stop writing comments defending him!  I mean it!  He is only devoting his life to my comfort to make me look bad; it is clearly a Machiavellian plot!

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And I know lots about plotting; I have plotted the takeover of many clubs & Parent organizations.  Okay I didn’t actually succeed at any of them.  Damn why did I start this line of reasoning!  I will win one day, some unsuspecting group out there will become my unwitting pawn and then I will take over; well I’ll take over something.  Pisces is the sign of the conqueror… what?  It isn’t?  Well that explains a lot!

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My mother reads this blog; sometimes.  This means when I say to her “You make the tea, it’s important for retired people to feel useful, I read it on the internet!”

She has the temerity to reply, “You wrote that on the internet, it doesn’t count!”

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Grandma in between the Association ladies & Alex making sure her head is still there.

(Actually I am not allowed to post a photo of my mum [or Cat] so this is just a picture of some weird old lady that hangs around the kids).

And when I point out that things I read on the internet tend to suggest she may be suffering from; well what’s the opposite of premature, senility.  She guesses that I wrote the things that I subsequently read.  And yes I do read my own posts sometimes.  I find it intriguing the way autistix thinks; thinks is definitely not the right word here but whatever.  I think autistsix is a great blog to follow I’ll put a link here; whoops no, no one is going to fall for this.  Anyway I don’t remember most of the brilliant ideas I have, one day I will find out I have thought of something brilliant and practical.  And when I come out of the faint of surprise, spend a couple of months analyzing for potential flaws and  pitfalls I will give up on the idea for good because lets face it I thought of it & I’m a complete loon.

Occasionally my children might read this stuff.  They are vicious little critics.

“Wahh, wahh, that’s not true!  You have no proof we are evil.  We hid our horns and tails where they will never be found!”

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Friends of my children read some of my posts.  My children will kill me in my sleep if their friends find out the truth about…  OMG I almost…  Are you guys trying to get me murdered?  If I’m dead I probably won’t be able to write more blog posts and…  Okay I see your point now!  Jerk!  Just stop reading if you hate it that much!  Wait!  Don’t stop reading, I love you, and it gets better, and there may be a treasure map hidden somewhere in this post, or the next one!   Really!

And I have been running this blog as a lonely hearts club for my two eldest!  You know I’m only joking about my two eldest being…  well I’m sure you remember.  They are wonderful girls, smart, loving and so pretty.  Really, great wife material.  They don’t even bite…. much… anymore.

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This one (above) is on sale at half price for a limited time only!

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Offer under consideration!

 

And I may have gotten a little enthusiastic about handing out cards.  I hear you say ” But autistsix; or Lisa or possibly Mum or darling {you know who you are cute KSP guy}  (whichever I don’t answer to any of these unless it’s shouted menacingly), you are such a sober and down to earth person.  I really can’t imagine you behaving in an over enthusiastic & silly way!”  No I give up the lie is getting too untenable for even me to sustain. Anyway this enthusiasm may have landed me multiple potential landmines.

I actually like the people in the Parents & Friends Association.  And you know how sensitive neurotypical (normal brain) people can be.  I mean you and I (I’m talking to you sensible autistic people) know how odd NTs are.  I’m tolerant I can look past and even find cute the preoccupation with the mundane and the complete lack of organisation & logic.  I mean the poor little things are just bogged down in social cohesion.  And their senses are so blunted.  Believe me if you could smell the chemicals underneath the floral scents of your perfume you would seal the bottle in something unbreakable before throwing it away.  If you could taste what I could you would never eat most of what you do.  Poor things.  But they might interpret my impatience with their disability as criticism.  Yes, it’s frustrating working with Neurotypicals.  But they are so cute, and they are trying, and how are they going to get any better if we autistic etcetera brained people don’t help them.  So if I write honestly about my frustrations & fears the P&F might mistakenly think I am upset with them, and I am not!  Not really, they are human, they can’t help it, I understand.  It’s just scary!  If you are reading; I love you!

Teachers may be reading this!  I have a lot of issues with the educational process; theory, bureaucracy & practice.  Phenomenal people can be misinformed, shackled by bad administration, over stretched, or a million other things.  A good person may do more harm following the wrong path than an incompetent or malicious person (same for therapy people).  I have been avoiding the big tirades against our education system in fear of stepping on the sensitive toes of some of the most valuable, over stressed & conscientious members of our society.  But I have opinions, picking fault is a sign of love and respect for me.  Education is too important not to strive for perfection.  I don’t care if you are middle aged and have no intention to procreate, education is the foundation of our society, we all have to live with the results of education.

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Therapists, doctors, supports, you are in charge of autism; and I’ve studied the science.  I know the background to some of the stuff you’ve studied, I know the flaws.  I am brilliant!  All the mind space you waste on being normal I use on learning, analysing and other academic stuff.  I failed Psych in Uni because I became physically ill with all the people and I couldn’t suck up the rubbish and regurgitate it without obsessing about the flaws.  I am older than most of you.  This is your job, this is my life.  I may be a tiny bit: or extremely, judgmental and arrogant, and I may be aware of this which makes it hard to complain.  I am confused, my headache is getting worse.  I hate The Autism Association but I love every person (except one 5 years ago) I’ve met who works there.  There is an example of my extreme pedantry I had to mention the one lady.  NDIA; some fantastic, some not so, but the organisation is a nightmare; and yet still an improvement on the previous systems.

My mind is so complicated, horrible and scary.  I read what I write and I hate me.  I spent over a dozen years avoiding any opportunity to be alone with my thoughts.  Now for some insane reason I am writing them down in a public forum.  Sometimes I think I only do things for insane reasons, maybe the reasons are insane because I follow them.

How in the hell can this post be so long when it contains so little actual anything?

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I have one last problem with people reading this post.  People from KSP; you know I know, you admitted it, you fool!  I mean that in the theatrical sense not that you are a fool, the written word is fraught with potential danger.

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Okay I am planning to take over the KSP group I am in, or maybe  the whole thing, or maybe writer’s everywhere or Western Australia, I haven’t decided on the full path to world domination yet.  I am not getting bogged down in the details.

Step 1.  Don’t get thrown out.  –  Achieved.

Step 2.  Escalate the bad behaviour while continuing not to be thrown out.  –  Achieved.

Unexpected bonus.  The humans appear to be expressing affection & proferring bonds of friendship.  –  OMG it’s enough to make me cry.

Step 3.  Have a Lisa installed as group co-ordinator, so the group will acclimatise.  –  Achieved (I don’t even know how).

Step 4.  Get off my back I already said I’m not a details person.

But now all this progress is threatened.  People may read this post and report back my agenda.  And then I won’t be able to take over the group.  And even more importantly, they may not like me!  And I think that they may actually like me, I have no idea why.  And so I have no idea how I could ever replicate this phenomenon again.  Then no one would like me ever again.

The saint is gaining confidence, the kids are becoming independent.  Even Cavalier King Charles Spaniels have their limits for unconditional love.  I would be alone, with me, I hate me, I am mean, I bully me all the time.  I told my Mum but she just tells me to stop it & I never listen.  I am going to go and lie down now.

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Remember; like me, I’ll keep myself quiet as much as I can; promise!

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18 thoughts on “People I Know May Be Reading My Blog

      1. It’s an idea, although do they like bossy. Wait, I didn’t say bossy, she’s not bossy, she is not a fanatical dictator that allows no dissent under her roof. Well actually that is more me. Is it heredity or is it because we are both Pisces?

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  1. I’ll write about certain people in my real life in my blog without giving their names. Those people read it and they’ll say “Wow, I did the same thing that person in your blog did” or “I really agree with what that person in your blog said” and I’ll be like “Dude, you are that person in my blog!” It’s funny how they don’t recognize themselves.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. That’s reassuring! The family know what I’m doing, in fact one time I knocked on Alex’s door and asked for a photo & she didn’t look well when she opened the door, I asked her & she said she assumed I wanted a picture for my blog so she was in character.

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      1. thats priceless and hilarious.

        a portion of my humour is also based on low expectations. people will assume i wont get something, so i pretend not to get it (perhaps there will be times when i really dont, but this time i do, and they dont expect me to) and then i will go “no im just kidding, i get it.”

        the joke in that case is on them, though i would do that even with someone i liked who wasnt condescending, but simply wasnt expecting me to get something the first time.

        “haha, i understood you.” it gives me a smile, but more than that, if they knew what it was like to have people make (just a few) too many assumptions about what they understand that i dont– they would appreciate the humour that the joke is based on.

        that alex opens the door “in character” knowing you blog about her is pure brilliance, imo. i believe that notion will be something that i think about as long as i know her. (youre a genius, alex. a beautiful, funny, wonderful genius.) ❤

        Liked by 1 person

      2. this has nothing to do with anything, im just curious so im asking here– if you go to the greengrocer, do they have relatively fresh iceberg lettuce, or is it frowned upon with only a couple wilted heads of it kept around for americans?

        not the proper green lettuce with iron and nutrients, the crisp (but flavourless) white-green sort that is useless except for salads and burgers.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. im sorry youre being subjected to it. i never eat it without a little shame. but the thing is i cant digest bread (i could drink half a bottle of gluten, its the wheat that will put me out of order for a week– no ambulance or emergency kit necessary at least, just stop eating it.)

        so i like hummus, and i like softer vegetables (but not boiled to death like is typical here. thanks to cable television we the nation at least is finally learning how to cook things) but spinach (which i try to eat sometimes, for iron) tastes like paper bag to me. (and im a supertaster https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Supertaster …bland foods arent bland, and curry is– amazing!)

        i dont do very well with corn either, so biscuits or corn chips? not great. i use potato chips (aha, not crisps– thats british, not aussie) and iceberg lettuce to scoop hummus or cream cheese.

        i am fairly fluent in english-english (cooker, greengrocer, al-yoo-min-yum, “bin liner”– which is what germans put their rubbish in) and i translate to aussie by checking if the british word is the same as the aussie one. i almost said crisps! my english vocabulary comes from living in a house (also a flat) with british people, and my australian vocabulary comes entirely from the above, mixed with quite a few episodes of summer heights high. i caught the word “hoon” in the original “mighty alex” lyrics, but i only know it as a verb, the noun form was new to me. bikkies are fine for brekkie or the arvo. theyre worse for me than for most people, but if theyre covered in chocolate…

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      4. i got it. “hooner” sounds like something entirely different anyway.

        two people in the birthday photo had red eye, so i gave it a quick fixup. you probably love red eye (as a clue that theyre pretending to be human) though if you ever would like a batch of say, 50 photos with red eye fixed, i think i can manage 50 at a time. its not an automated process, or it could just as easily be 500. but its fast. http://i.imgur.com/fnPzyuP.jpg

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Actually, you have no reason to “stop lying to the internet” if you’re a President like The Donald or a satirist like me — it’s in our DNA (not that The Donald needs an excuse). So you and I don’t need an excuse either!

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