In my last post I took 200 words just to mention that the previous post was part of the same series as this. So for the sake of brevity just:
Are you back?
So, somewhat stupidly I left off at nagging. Leaving you the whole night to be judgmental and stuff. Ce la vie; I shall just have to pick up where I left it; then you’ll be sorry. Sorry you judged poor little me.
Nagging, I hear you ask; you have not mentioned nagging before. Well, yeah, I sometimes forget that people that don’t know me might read this junk.
The truth is I nag a lot, it is my role in our family. What is more my family claim it is my only joy in life; my raison d’etre. And its not just that I am a demanding, irritable b#@^$, although I must in all modesty admit it does make me perfect for the job. Unlike Gavin; he’s just not suited to the task, his nagging is really pathetic & he needs me to remind him to even do that. The only family member who is good at nagging is Cat; Mum just orders and we are too frightened to disobey. Cat would be a great nag if she did two things; nagged about something sane and possible not “don’t eat chocolate, Mum” (the nut), and if she learnt timing; for example don’t ask me if I have exercised today when I am staunching a cut vein on your father’s leg (this one comes up surprisingly often unfortunately).
But back to the point. I have to nag. Gavin, the family doctor and I had a discussion over 20 years ago and regularly touch base and update the nagging rules. It was agreed that I am not only allowed to nag, I must or my entire family might self destruct in a moldering puddle of complete inactivity. Because my family is filled with autistic people who (with the exception of yours truly) can’t or won’t write lists, use mnemonics or even use their OCD properly.
Just a note here: I am allowed to use OCD facetiously because it is a co-morbidity to autism that I and others in my family have been diagnosed with & therefore I am making fun of myself and not cruelly making light of a serious disorder. Hah, take that PC police!
Where was i?
OK! So I am sitting on the couch thinking ‘where is my computer?’
“Obviously it is just taking your dear husband a little longer to fix it than he expected. Be patient!” I hear you say.
Well first Shut UP! I have NO computer, I am not in the mood to be reasonable let alone patient. If I find out where you live… Shh Lisa, quiet down, threatening readers was not on the list of how to run a successful blog! Or was it? No it wouldn’t have been, I would remember that. It would have been so cool! And my first post would have been “Die Maggots!” and its not, is it? I don’t think it was, but then again I don’t have a bloody functioning computer to check! Damn, Damn, even ruder word!
(Remember I am just typing up what I wrote 6 days ago so… I know it confuses me too).
Anyway in my world the reasons for the absence of my computer could be myriad & potentially dangerous. So I need to stay on top of Gavin.
- Gavin is busy & doesn’t have time to fix the computer – “That’s fine darling I just wanted to know”
- The computer has serious problems that are taking longer to fix – “Are you OK sweetheart, don’t blame yourself, you’re doing great, can I help?”
- The computer can’t be fixed -“Wake up sweetie, don’t worry about it, it was worth a try, we’ll send it back!”
- Gavin has taken the computer’s mouse to the vet to see if that’s the problem – “Mum can you drive me to the vet’s I’m just getting a blanket for Gavin?”
- Gavin has forgotten what he was doing and is now building a shelf (dog house, robot, you get the point) – “What’ca doing honey, weren’t we going to concentrate on the computer first, where did you find the nails, I thought we hid… I mean put them away safely?”
- Gavin has forgotten whose computer it was and given it to Alex, who has forgotten she hasn’t just gotten a new computer and is busily filling it with Assassin’s Creed & other such rubbish – “Sweetie, are you sure that isn’t Mummy’s new computer, Daddy may have made a mistake?”
- or worse yet Tabby or Tash – “Forget it Mum, Dad said its mine, get your own!”
- or Amber who got confused and ran and is now hiding from it while Marley ‘goes to the toilet’ on it to teach it who is boss; like he does with Grandma’s appliances. – “OMG Gross!”
- Gavin is hiding under the table in case the computer explodes – “Is that a possibility, Darl? Budge up! Kids duck! Charlie come here!”
- Gavin is setting fire to my computer so aliens or the FBI can’t use it to spy on him – “We discussed this sweetie, they can’t use anything they’ve found out without giving themselves away!”
- Gavin got frightened that he had broken my computer and is hiding from me, but he has forgotten why and who he is hiding from; so he’s gathered the kids & pets and is about to drive down the street looking for sanctuary – “Who are we hiding from? What could you have broken? Not my new computer?! Why am I in this stupid car you stupid man?!!
- Many, many other combinations of the above and things I’ve blacked out or not even thought of.
So as I discussed with said husband “Stop telling me it will take a jiffy! I was originally expecting it to take ages until you…”
If I finish this thought I may kill my husband. And then I would never get my new computer.
Interestingly enough if you are reading this it means my computer is now working.
Or you have snuck up behind me and are one of the few people that can still decipher graphite scribblings on paper.
If the latter, there is coke in the fridge (cola)! If the former; YAYYYYYYYYYY!
Note: If you aren’t sure and you are reading this bit, it definitely means my computer is working. Even if you’ve snuck up behind me.
I have now completely creeped myself out!