Christmas in 40*C. – Light Hunting in Perth Part 3

Part 1.

Part 2.

Read these in any order.  Nothing I write makes enough sense for reading in order to be important.  Unless you get confused; then try reading them in order.  If you are reading them in order & you are still confused:

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Ha Ha they said it wasn’t contagious but it can be.  Welcome to my World!!!

While driving about in oven like temperatures with kids & dogs and cheery winter songs is there a dress code?  Yes, there is!  If you are over 7 years old and a hominid you should wear some clothes.  It’s kind of a law actually.  Charlie and Cherise actually went naked; more than once.  Gavin is so permissive, I couldn’t stop him, but they were not alone.

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NAKED!!!

One year we went in wet bathers (swimming suits) and this is not uncommon although adults don’t tend to wear only bathers while walking.  Generally while in a car the dress code is enough for decency but as light as possible;  given that the cool night air is still hot enough to boil an egg on the car bonnet.  Singlet, tank top or summer dress is best.  Topped off with cheap, flashy Christmasy bling.  Don’t bother wearing a Santa hat, the best you can hope for is that it will be blown off your head, most likely it will just become a pressure cooker steaming your head.  Antler headbands, jewelry that lights up and other similarly tasteful accessories are the go!

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So mobs of people & dogs are driving about hanging out of car windows, walking about in groups or sitting in their front yards, what are the polite social rules for this activity?  Okay, this is a bit complicated:

  • If you pass a person dressed as Santa sitting or walking in their beautifully decorated yard?
    • You wave like a maniac & yell “Merry Christmas!”
  • If you pass people who are clearly looking at Christmas lights?
    • You wave like a maniac & yell “Merry Christmas!”

 

  • If you see someone in their undecorated front yard?
    • You wave like a maniac & yell “Merry Christmas!”
  • If you see someone walking alone?
    • You wave like a maniac & yell “Merry Christmas!”

 

  • If you see black dressed gang-like teens?
    • You wave like a maniac & yell “Merry Christmas!”

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  • If you see someone whose appearance suggests they are not of a European origin?
    • You wave like a maniac & yell “Merry Christmas!”

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  • If you see someone who is visibly of a religion that is not Christian?
    •  You wave like a maniac & yell “Merry Christmas!”

 

Exceptions

  • If you see someone on a telephone?
    • You wave like a maniac, yell “Merry Christmas” and then yell “Sorry!”

 

  • If you see teenagers kissing?
    • You wave like a maniac, yell “Merry Christmas” and then yell “Sorry!”

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  • If you see a nihilist atheist?
    • Don’t say “Merry Christmas”  these people are militantly proselytizers, they will follow you for hours humourlessly proving God doesn’t exist and that dogs don’t actually love people and are actually in a parasitic co dependant … I can’t go on, it is just too traumatic.

 

  • If someone yells “Merry Christmas!” first ?
    • Nothing, you’ve lost the game, you may as well go home!

 

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Home

 

    • Only joking  yell back “Merry Christmas to you too!”  or “You too!” or “Happy New Year!” or the more obscure but perfectly acceptable “Thanks!” all these can be used with or without the “Mate!” (an Australian unisex term for your fellow beings)   And make sure you really wave like a complete maniac, high in the air, because in a car you may be out of earshot.  If you are a Holt this is unlikely but it is not worth the risk.

If there is a queue or the people are right outside the house it is appropriate to stop the car and let people pat the dogs while you compliment the light display.

Is there a risk, you might ask, of offending people by saying “Merry Christmas” to them; randomly, say on the 2nd of December?  I used to believe so, it really worried me.  But in my experience it really doesn’t seem so.  Even people dressed in such a way as to clearly show they are Muslim or Sikh for example or hostile looking adolescents smile or wave back, many even yell “Merry Christmas”.  Strictly speaking I am not a Christian: I am a Wiccan and believe all religions lead to God, I have a Hindu friend, we both know the other family is not Christian; yet we say “Merry Christmas!” and exchange Christmas cards & gifts.  If you are not Christian I think you will feel less upset if you accept this greeting as the warm wish for the blessings of the season and or higher spiritual power, I wish you well or happy, happy time; which is almost always how it is meant!

Pictures from Pixabay, Alex or Gavin.   I really hope no one is offended that I posted their light displays but I deliberately used bad photography to obscure your true identities.  Yes I did; it was so deliberate.

 

Part 4.

Yes Ha ha it is not over yet.  IT MAY NEVER BE OVER!  Ha ha you are trapped!

Unless you work out that you don’t have to read this rubbish!

I didn’t write that.  Please, please, please don’t think about that!  I like it when people read my rubbish.  And people who know me refuse.

Merry Christmas (husbands are helpful)!

 

Merry Christmas from all of us here dying in the heat in the Holt household.

Actually I’m a little cold, we haven’t got the hang of the air-conditioner yet, but we don’t care.

And Season’s blessings!

Part 4.

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