Oldylocks and the Three Chairs

I am still alive!  I think?

I’ve been so busy.

• I rescued my two youngest from their compulsory government/church run labour camp (school) at the great price of volunteer work & listening to hours of propaganda (Awards night; Tabby topped Maths).
• I managed to extricate the two youngest from their Drama classes, 38 hours of freedom from teens, paid for by 4 hours (adding travel) of torture watching children act.
  • But I did get to torture Tab’s boyfriend while she did final rehearsal.
    • He let me explain Star Trek to him.
    • He helped remind my Mum she is crazy
    • He has a really cool beardlet (think Shaggy from Scooby Doo), so cute.
    • I almost convinced him to tell Tabby how much shorter she was than Tash; but he was saved by Cat & Alex.
• Alex and I were banished from Writer’s club for the Holiday Season because apparently people who aren’t us have lives.

• I still haven’t resolved National Disability stuff, but I’ve tried a lot.
• I still haven’t resolved Social Security, but I’ve cried & twitched a lot.

• I have the Christmas photos I sent in 14 days ago.

• Our Christmas turkey (the best one we’ve found in 6 years) was defrosted when Mum’s 35 year old freezer died. (RIP Phillips Freezer; you will be missed) but why did you have to take so much food with you.

• I am still sleeping 14 hours a day.

Now for the promised story.

Once upon a time there was a loon with long grey curly hair; so people (really mean people like her kids) called her Oldylocks.

Oldylocks was minding her own business & sitting down to Saturday dinner with her family and everyone was shoveling roasted pig into their mouths as fast as they could.  When out of the blue Grandma’s chair attacked her and threw her to the floor.  Fortunately even though my mother is even older than me she did not break a hip, in fact she was giggling.  I know what your thinking, early, well OK late senility is setting in, but don’t say it out loud she sucker punched the last puppet that made that perfectly reasonable comment.

A few days later Oldylocks was minding her own business & sitting in the family car waiting to go Christmas light hunting (to any Americans out there; we did not shoot the lights because Australians aren’t allowed to have guns).  While Tab tried to get the dogs in the car without Alex & Tasha’s help (it has not been determined whether it was daftness or laziness that caused this abandonment).  Oldylocks tried to help; and not just by shouting, she did use shouting which is of course a very effective method of helping, but she also used moving and trying to hold things.  So as you can see it was a full on emergency!  Then Cat tried to help but when she tried to move, the car chair savaged her knee, biting in until there was a gash she could (& stupidly did) fit three fingers in.  No light hunting for Oldylocks, tea and bandaging for Cat.

The very next day Oldylocks was minding her own business & sitting while F the support worker tried to give her a human lesson.  Out of the blue a kitchen chair attacked her poor innocent hubby as he tried to climb down from the trestle where he had been trying to fix a fish tank pump.  Yes he was nastily injured.  But he is autistic so knowing he would collapse soon he insisted on going back up to fix the pump & further aggravate the already annoyed fish.  Oldylocks realised the most important thing was to position herself so next time he fell she would cushion his blow.  No I have no idea why this is my go to plan, when I get … you know autistic weird that is what I do.  So Cat, F. & Oldylocks helped check things, push buttons, hold trestles, plug things in and pass things in a desperate attempt to get Gavin to come down.  Cat offered to climb up & we all yelled “No, you are not doing that!”  Oldylocks offered to climb up & Gavin must have been seriously out of it because he didn’t stop her.  Unfortunately Oldylocks’ yellow streak is far stronger than love and she froze on the first rung.  Gavin just picked up Oldylocks and pulled her off & reclimbed the ladder.  Gavin was so seriously dazed he even used the useful helping method of shouting; Gavin does not use shouting, ever.

Why did the other 3 do nothing you might ask?  Well, its not their job!  No seriously that is the reason!

So Cat, Gavin & Oldylocks were all in that nice, mild shock autistic dissociative state where we were feeling no pain.  So Cat reopened her knee and Gavin & Oldylocks did all kinds of damage to their poor bodies.  Serves our bodies right for not working properly.

“Shut up hands, if you stop typing I will thump you into something!”

“Oh please no, not again, we’ll be good!”

Okay that’s sorted.  So that is the story of Oldylocks & the Three Vicious Attack Chairs.  I couldn’t put the whole title at the top because it kinda gives away the ending.

 

I also have been having trouble with

• my computer
• Windows 10
• the internet
• the sun
• blazing heat no human should have to endure
• you know; Stuff.

I’ll try to do better!

(he he they will buy that!)