First; an introduction; Mum’s dogs joined us in the garden this evening. They are rescue dogs, unknown parentage. The white one is Marley (a boy) and the black one is a girl; Amber. Marley rules my mother with a paw of iron, but he’s a sweetie. Amber is the sweetest kissiest girl I’ve ever met.
Okay! The crazy has died down. I am still shaky, bruised and achy. But comparing this meltdown to the last of similar emotional intensity.
- I did not fall down.
- I did not break the skin, biting or scratching.
- No blood blisters or complex bruises.
- No damaged belongings or clothes.
- My flailing was area restricted; I couldn’t stop the movement but I could reduce the arc.
- I didn’t scream at anyone.
And the last time the aftermath was so much worse.
- Last time I wouldn’t talk to people outside the immediate family for days, and avoided professionals for over a month. I would hide in the bathroom when people came to see the kids. This time I blogged that night & talked to my psychologist today, didn’t put off my support coordination review (this afternoon) and I talked to the woman in Autism Association who organised getting the social security paperwork done.
- I’ve gone into the garden.
- I have eaten today without vomiting or choking, and it wasn’t fish fingers, potato & lemonade. I ate normal food.
- I showered. Normally that takes 4-6 days after a major upset. Try not to judge I’m being honest.
So injuries and damage minimised, recovery incredible speed. So I’m still making progress.
I think some of my frustration is now I can see a future. I’m not so overwhelmed but then I hit limitations, physical, sensory and emotional. I am doing so well compared to how I was a year ago. But when I look at my progress compared to normal people its ridiculous. I can walk out my door with my husband at night & stay in my garden for 5 minutes, big deal. But I haven’t been able to for 15 years. Well if I can do 5 why can’t I do 10? I don’t know?
Any way its good. Setback but not much. I was pushing myself too hard. I don’t know.
Why am I writing all of this horrible stuff?
When we see a video of kids with Autism being out of control we don’t get the whole picture. Rikki Ambrosius helped me with these ideas.
- Children can’t way up the pros & cons and make an informed decision about releasing this embarrassing information.
- I can explain what it felt like from the inside.
- I can tell people that I was struggling for control not letting myself go.
- I can provide contrast; woman can write using lots of big words & information,this same woman becomes a gurgling, flailing mess.
- We need support but in other areas we are worthy of respect.
Sad over now. Pictures: