Today I went to a toy and collectibles fair with my eldest daughter and her support worker. I was terrified and every step towards the place I felt like running away. I joked about running and kept going. We bought the tickets and we were trapped.
There were so many people, so much noise, bright lights, garish colours and unpredictable movement. I was on edge & in pain but I was not going to spoil yet another day out for Cat.
The night before I had taken photos of some of the collectibles I already have and Gavin checked out prices. So I didn’t buy any of the many things priced over or even at the right price. I also didn’t buy any of the unbelievable bargains that were worth it but over $50. Unfortunately one of my early anxiety symptoms is a feeling of impending loss so I tend to panic spend. There were a lot of bargains, a lot. I spent way to much money, and spending too much upped my anxiety circling continued. Plus the weight of purchases on my unfit ancient body!
Still the most expensive thing I bought was $45, such a bargain, so beautiful, I haven’t collected swords in over 20 years and I don’t need it. My crazy husband gave me $800 and said there was more in the bank. Can a man be too supportive? Then again I haven’t bought anything like this for years, I spent less than $400 and a lot of that was for the kids’ birthdays & Christmas; & Fathers’ day.
I finally popped and started knocking, clapping and slurring my words. Cat and her carer took me to lunch, I banged the table and chewed my flower necklace (chew-able stress toy) until my toast arrived. Cat & Becci took the stuff to the car and the last thing I said was, “I okay, I eat toast.” I couldn’t stop saying toast until after they came back but I did eat it, while talking and drank my juice.
They came back and talked until I started making sense again, then we returned to the fair made our final decisions, grabbed some stuff that we were wavering on that had been reduced and picked up my tables.
Cat was right; it was filled with our kind of people, friendly & obsessed with Sci Fi & Anime. I wore a Dr Who TShirt (Van Gogh’s Tardis) and took my Star Trek handbag so I would be identifiable, but I still had to come to the rescue of Becci who looked a little confused when a guy started to enthuse & chat about the boxes she was holding for me. I provided the information and she continued to agree, smile and look absolutely gorgeous (blonde 20’s slim a complete knockout – boyfriend though). People were happy to talk about the wonderful things they had even if we couldn’t afford them. It was nice to have sensible conversations about Space, Pokemon and Bruce Lee instead of small talk.
Following my criteria of I don’t want to go anywhere but if I have to go somewhere; I had a great time. I think Cat enjoyed herself too.
Which is good because I am spending the next 5 days in Book Fair hell, please send excuses I can use to get out of this. Save me!