Not A Good Day!

I’ll start with the worst news, starting at the important bit my aunt is alive; my aunt was on holiday in Germany and was hit by a truck.  My aunt is the most beautiful woman I have ever met inside and out.  She has beautiful long dark hair & dark eyes and is tall and slim, I have adored her since she was my favourite uncle’s girlfriend.  She is a nurse, she was a stay at home mum, and they live on a farm in Victoria Australia.  As a country girl she devotes herself to family and nursing, and is the most placid human on Earth; despite the fact she is married to and the mother of sweet but fiery redheads (one brunette is or was a fiery redhead.  You know wonderful but loud.

I don’t know what’s happening because she’s so far away, but my Mum’s a wreak, she’s petrified her brother is going to… I don’t want to say it, & I’m scared for her; horribly enough my eldest is scared for me.  But I don’t believe it’s that bad (touching wood) or I don’t think I could bear to write.

And horribly enough life is just marching on.  I just heard some of the subjects my second youngest wants to study next year won’t be available.  And then I found out their next subject in both English and Humanities is the Holocaust.  One of the most horrific and despicable occurance (there aren’t appropriate words for something this bad are there?) in human history!  I can’t see what benefit a detailed (2& 1/2 months) 6 periods a week examination of this atrocity.  The book they are going to study is an incredibly well written book, but that craftmanship will only ensure the emotions are more keenly felt.  Adolescence is a time of emotional vulnerability, I think they are at exactly the wrong age to have the worst of humanity thrust down their throats every day (with Homework) for months.  Anyone who isn’t appalled by a few hours of bare statistics at this age are not going to be reachable.  If anything studies suggest that this kind of exposure desensitizes.

And my daughter is Autistic with a very strong kicker of Anxiety/Depression and an inability to communicate her emotional needs.  We’re working on it but…

Gavin was a pillar of strength, its not his fault but I’m in a mood, he heard the news and fainted leaving me and the support worker that was there to get the youngest from school (sick weather/autism thing).

Good news I made lunch for self, child, husband & mum; with the support worker.  Unfortunately I gave Mum hers and then the support worker left, I couldn’t wake Gavin and I was very thirsty, so I sat down & neither ate nor drank until I woke him up, about 45mins of calling.

So apart from reading less posts than I meant to I have yet again failed to get much done because I kept having naps and daydreaming.

I can rise to an emergency (fed child & mum) but collapse as soon as I’m not needed.  Unfortunately I also can’t wake myself for round two.

Tomorrow is another day!

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6 thoughts on “Not A Good Day!

  1. Easy for me to say it but don’t succumb to it all and I hope you’re ok.

    I’m intruiged to know why you felt like you couldn’t eat or drink even though you were thirsty if you’re open to sharing? What was going through your mind that stopped you from doing this without your support worker? Maybe you don’t even know but it would be interesting to find out if you are happy to tell me.

    Don’t worry if you’re not! 😊

    Much love xx

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  2. I don’t mind sharing; when I’m overwhelmed or down I can’t seem to move much. Any need or call by anybody I can generally pull myself up for, except the telephone. Sometimes I’m too far gone & I can’t move for anything less than an emergency.
    Drinking and especially eating is even worse, even if I try to eat or drink I feel like my throat is closing up and I “reject” the food/drink, often painfully. When stressed even mildly I don’t like the feeling of stuff in my mouth so I am reluctant to eat things that require a lot of chewing i.e. salad or toffee.
    I find it very hard to pull myself out of non movement. So with Gavin “asleep” I just sat & called to him until he woke himself up and his movement triggered my movement. It’s no use trying to force myself to eat so I waited a little longer & when somewhat relaxed ate.
    That’s as much insight as I have. I can’t tell you what I was thinking apart from “Get up, you have to get up” over and over again.
    I used to be very humiliated by my problems, and I still am somewhat, but I believe it will benefit people to know. Nobody knows what pieces there are to any puzzle, so if I put as much info out there as I can, something might click for somebody else.
    So, I love questions, and anything for you, (I hope this isn’t too far) my friend!

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    1. Thank you. I really appreciate the answer and the detail. Working with an autistic child I find it fascinating and helpful to find out what the anxieties feel like. Not that I’m generalising, and he doesn’t seem to have the same issue (quite the opposite in fact…he eats everything always!!) but since he’s only 7 and not yet able to go into so much detail about how he feels it’s refreshing to get an insight. And helps to remind me not to push him into anything he’s not ok with…which can be difficult when you’re faced with the bureaucracy of school!! So many thanks friend! 😊

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      1. My 2nd youngest eats everything including non food sometimes, she also gets less warning when she needs to go to the toilet. It turns out she can’t really feel pressure in her abdomen properly & thought the way to judge feeling full was when the food started to (sorry) come back up. This can be an issue with some autistic kids and shows in either not feeling hungry so not eating (4 out of 6 of our family) or not feeling full so not stopping (just the one). The oldest 4 (parents included) only gained weight when we started on antidepressants.

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