The Secret to Writing Really Long Posts

1.Drivel; don’t clutter up your writing with information or even intelligent thought or opinion. Ideas take up space in the brain of the reader & stop the gentle flow of pointless, pretty words floating in and out of their heads.

2.No that’s it writing drivel is my only advice. It has so many benefits.  It leaves the reader nothing to think about & keeps them searching for meaning.  Reading is like vacuuming stuff into your head and drivel is like bubbles.  It doesn’t matter how many bubbles you suck into your vacuum it doesn’t get any less empty.  My reader is (I imagine) constantly believing that if they just read a little more there will be some point to this endless, meaningless pile of verbiage.

It helps if you are erudite and verbose like I am so it is easier to disguise your drivel as, well you know; writing.

Write in tangents, write in circles, write in dodecahedrons; please, please write in dodecahedrons I really want to read in dodecahedrons or rhomboids.

Never let your readers gain enough clarity to lose hope that there may be a small morsel of worth to all the nonsense you’ve written.  You will be aided in this by human nature; the more reading they do the more they will avoid the thought “have I been wasting my time”.  Just don’t get tired and let slip some drop of enlightenment or content; not when you’ve worked so hard at deluding them into this lull of unquantifiable pulp.

But nothing can go on forever.  Eventually, even sucking only bubbles the vacuum’s motor will begin to strain.  Now don’t give in to the temptation to attempt an ending.  If your conclusion is in any way a reasonable summing up of your piece it will undoubtedly show up the rest of your blog as the meaningless trash it is.  Readers might feel cheated, and more importantly they may not come back.

So I recommend a drifting voice of consciousness, the easiest way to do this is honestly, write anything that comes into your mind.  You know my style… dust bunny…cup of tea…What? No really it’s a cup of tea.  I don’t remember that being put there!

Quickly then, I hope at least my rantings qualify as erudite and entertaining drivel.

Nummy tea….

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11 thoughts on “The Secret to Writing Really Long Posts

  1. Lovely rambling, and I will try to write in dodecahedrons soon, it sounds like fun! As far as I got was a new poem, and now to bed. Also I think you did what you said not to do in your conclusion because it wrapped up your point about not having a point 😂 am I being confusing enough? 😊 I always enjoy your funny posts 😉

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      1. Indeed I am! I cannot imagine why everybody seems to be using my name to write their own silly driveling! First my cousin Cecily, (who I have had strong words with!) and now my secretary Zoe! What am I going to do with all of you!?

        Liked by 1 person

  2. I feel for you Mr the Fish or if I may be so bold Augustus. I suggest the old typing the phrase “I will not be frivolous using my superior’s name” 10 times.

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  3. Are you drawing a line in the sand? Iffen you piffle I’m a gonna! Or perhaps suggesting a celestial connection. Perhaps we wrote the “User’s Guide to Nonsense” together in a previous life.:)

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  4. youre actually not the first lisa to recommend dodecahedrons:

    my approach is to combine two of them at high speeds using the “large hedron collider” which depending on the mood, either produces one quadecahedron or a few decahedrons (im not sure theyre called that, but i believe science will find out after it rolls for intelligence.)

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      1. science wont solve the worlds spiritual problems–

        it wont make people care, it wont make them look at the big picture (not even if the fate of humanity is in the balance) and it wont ultimately improve who people are as people.

        i didnt say it cant do those things– i said it wont. science is expensive stuff, and though people can apply it in significant amounts without controlling education or the economy, those are two things that (for most of society) rule with more immediate authority than science.

        while science itself really doesnt care who is in charge, the only way that it is going to tell the truth to most people is if “most people” have enough say to begin with. thats a tricky one, indeed.

        which brings me right back to– its up to people, and who they are as people, before science can hope accomplish any of what really needs to be done. by now you probably know i use the term “spiritual” as broadly as anyone you know.

        Liked by 1 person

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