Guest Post – Freedom


by Gavin Holt

I take one last look around the room. A brief goodbye and then open the front door. Freedom.

“ NNNOOOOO!!”, The scream rips itself from me. There he stands, filling the doorway. He is all I can see, no way out. His face is twisted in a hateful, evil grimace.

“What the hell do you mean by that? And what is that fucking smell?” He sniffs at the air disdainfully, his eyes wondering round the room. His gaze falls on the suitcase, I wrench it behind me trying to make it disappear. I know it’s too late. Oh God it’s over. Rage fills his face. I can feel the fire as he slams the door against the wall and wrenches the case from my hand.

“Ohh! That’s what you mean by no” The ‘no’ was a mimicked high pitched whimper. The case cracks and splits open as he smashes it against the floor, my only keepsakes spreading and crackling everywhere.  I back away slowly. “Pl ..” He thrusts forward grabs my collar, choking me as he pulls me tight to his face, “ LEAVING ARE WE? FOUND SOMEWHERE NEW TO HIDE!! “ His voice so loud, deafening.  “TAKING MY SHIT WITH YOU?” He kicks the case across the room and drops me to the floor. I gasp for breath . He leans in.

“ YOU NEVER LEARN!!!” I knew it was coming. It was always coming. You’d think I’d be use to it by now, but nothing lessens the impact of that open hand smack across my face. It lays me out across the floor, I ball up defensively. A terror worse than any I’ve felt before fills me. How do I stop this? I was so close and now …

“ I … I’m sor so sorry … I I … didn’t mean it. I … I … I” It felt like the words came from someone else, Whispered and whimpered.

“YOU LYING BITCH!! DIDN’T MEAN IT!?!” He pulls me up and slams me into the kitchen table. All the air is squeezed from my lungs. Pain! All I can sense is pain. My head spinning, barely registering the room. I can taste blood.

“YOU ACCIDENTLY PACKED A BAG !?! I KNOW, YOU DIDN’T MEAN IT YOU WERE JUST TRIPPING OUT THE DOOR, LUCKY I WAS THERE TO CATCH YOU! WHO KNOWS WHERE YOU MAY HAVE FUCKING ENDED UP!” He turns me around. Another SMACK!! I am falling spinning, and then STOP! Pain like never before roaring from the back of my head. A sucking vortex of blackness envelopes me.


“…Tw … ore … teps.” The world is thick and muggy. I hear words but they don’t make sense. My eyes open red and blurry. What is going on, I want to say but all that comes out is,”whrr..nng ooo rrr”.

“… your … live. Jesus!!” My head is slowly clearing, “One m … e step.” The sounds are like echoes. I am dropped on a floor, uneven and rough with a squelch. A blurry face is above me. It must be him.

“I’m sorry darlin’. You know I love you, … it’s just I get so crazy when you do stupid things like this. And now look what you made me do.” His voice is soft, almost gentle. “If only you weren’t so … delicate.” A pause and a ripping sound.” This is your own fault, you know. If you would just act like a proper wife and didn’t keep pushing me. If you didn’t belly ache to those fuckers at those agencies. None of this would happen. Now look at what you’ve done to me.”

Another ripping sound. “I’ve never been much at home maintenance. You know, she was always telling me the carpet at the top of the stairs was so frayed. She thought it was dangerous.” I don’t know who he is talking to but there’s a faint hope of help. “.. h.. ie.lll..p…” Lips press against my forehead, “Yes and I love you too”, he whispers “It’s ok, I know you’re sorry … but they won’t understand and I just don’t know what else to do.”  My body rises and I lurch forward rolling and tumbling down into an abyss. Crack and stop. All pain has left my body. So hard to breathe. So tired.  A creaking noise next me.

“ It won’t be long Baby…You just sleep.” He strokes my forehead. “ Oooh my poor baby. Sniffling sound. He’s crying?

“What the hell is that horrible smell!” Should’ve known better. I draw all my remaining strength, “aebbij ,… bei..ed .. ceb bi  j” . More a gurgle then a yell.

“WHA … THE … UCK ?” He’s moving now, I can’t focus. Then I hear that chomp and slurp noise. That disgusting pig grunt he always makes as he bites the end off of his cigar. I smile, a final smile. Cabbage ,the best smell to cover that all too identifiable smell of gas. …


Other Guest Post by Gavin – The Envelope

Fireside Chat

Gavin’s Blog.

Published by autistsix

An autistic woman married to an autistic man trying to raise 4 autistic daughters in a neurotypical world

2 thoughts on “Guest Post – Freedom

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